taking a step forward
walking around through clouds of smoke
mismatched paintings and antique mirrors clutter the walls
looking back a small room
leather couches and armchairs
doesn't really belong
nervous but excited at the same time
cant imagine what she is doing
who she is with
what they are talking about
things are changing
in a good way
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your location is very mysterious. I wold be nervous walking arounf there too. I can't really place the the time period or why your character is there. Can you help me experience this place even more deeply?
ReplyDeletegood job. It is very mysterious. It makes you think about where the character is.
ReplyDeleteThis is really good. It does sound very mysterious and you not only describe the location but the emotion is clear about the charecter as well. Its all about change and exploring the good and bad things about it.
ReplyDeletep.s
no I did not copy mine out of a book because if I did that would mean I was plagerizing and beleive me I was not. So yea, thanks for the flattering comment
I like how alot of it was kind of a mystery. I thoguth it was really creative.
ReplyDeleteI like your first line. I think it's a cool way to start your poem. You expressed that the character has a lot of mixed feelings really well.
ReplyDeleteThe first two lines create a great visual image of the interior of this mysterious place. I also like how the whole poem is written with lowercase letters and without any punctuation.
ReplyDeleteI like the mystery and confusion you create by saying, "walking around through clouds of smoke mismatched paintings and antique mirrors clutter the walls." You kept me wondering throughout the whole poem, like "what is going on?" which made this poem so interesting and I wanted to know more.
ReplyDelete